eritvnews: Love Yourself

BEFORE MARRIAGE
Please oh find out about the guy’s history and family and what makes him tick. Find out what interests you have in common and what shared passions exist. Ask yourself, is he your friend? Are u free talking and just chatting with him.  If every time you meet its just bedmatics and you cleaning, cooking etc. while he watches tv or just lazes around. watch out!
Is he very critical of everything you say or do? Your dress? Food? Speech? Looks? Job? Family? Friends you keep? Does he make allusion to the fact that you need to be better? Or compares you to sisters, mum, friend’s wives or girlfriends? Does he threaten to leave you at the slightest argument? Do you always have to be the one to “beg”? these are warning signs.
What do you talk about? Does he support your dreams, your aims? Does he celebrate your achievements? Or does he rather tell you all that will stop when you are his wife? Does he ask about your work? Enquire about your job satisfaction or dreams or current projects etc?
Did you talk about who does what at home? Child care- who is in charge? Number of children? Family planning? What rules are enforced at home by who?
Did you talk about in-laws and their roles in your marriage? Who comes and who goes/ what are the rules? Who u will use as marriage counsellor if need be? (My advice on counselling is to use one who has studied the subject and is trained in it. Not just one who by virtue of a church position becomes counsellor.)
Set standards for yourself and do not waver form them. Be proud of who and what you are any day anytime. There is no cloth as beautiful on a woman as self-esteem. Find a guy who will support you to soar to greater heights. A man who will never shame you in public, who is proud of you, enough to want you to be the best you can be. Find a man you can talk to and one with whom you can make plans. A man who is secure enough in his masculinity to not want to break you or reduce your self-esteem. Fin a man who is a MAN.
These are a few questions we all need to think about even before accepting that engagement ring. I understand the pressure to get married, but really is that pressure worse than a bad marriage? REMEMBER MARRIAGE DOES NOT COMPLETE YOU BUT ONLY COMPLEMENTS YOU!

IN MARRIAGE
You are an equal partner in the union. Hold your man responsible for his actions and to his vows.
Men ARE NOT babies that you will need to clean their mess. If they are grown enough to marry, then they are grown enough to take responsibility for their actions. DO NOT take on any blame that is not yours to carry.
If he cheats it’s not because you did not pray hard enough, or you are fat, or you don’t cook well, or you don’t do snake in monkey shadow in bed, or you don’t like you in-laws, or you don’t respect him, or you are not neat or a strange woman snatched him. NO LIES!! He cheats because he wants to cheat. HE made the choice to be with another and betray your vows. He should be held responsible. How you handle it is up to you but remember you are NOT the one at fault here. Attacking or praying against strange women is a joke. You don’t have vows with that woman. Attack and pray for whom you vowed to share a life with.
If you see something that upsets you, please speak up. Sweeping it under the carpet will only build resentment. 
If he abuses you physically, emotionally, financially etc., seek help! Speak out! DO NOT stay silent and pray to death. The fear of the unknown and what the world will say will be there. But remember the world always has an opinion cos opinions are like a$$$holes, everyone has one. Do what is best for you and children. If you choose the prayer route, keep yourself at a safe distance. What is certain is a man who abuses his wife abuses the children. If he has not started yet, it’s only a matter of time before he starts.

What was all this long write up for? the message is simple
LADIES, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, STRONG AND WORTHY OF LOVE. SET YOUR STANDARDS, HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH, LOVE YOURSELF, BUILD YOUR SELF ESTEEM AND WALK INTO ANY UNION OR RELATIONSHIP AS AN EQUAL PARTNER WITH RIGHTS AND DUTIES AND NEVER AS A LESSER HUMAN. YOU DESERVE THAT. GO OUT THERE AND BE YOU. MAKE THE WORLD STAND UP AND TAKE NOTICE, LIVE A PURPOSE-FILLED LIFE. Lots of love.

~ Written by Sally Yabeh